Use ME!!!

    I recently found myself feeling the need to pray  prayers that have scared me since I first became a Christian almost two years ago now. It seemed like I had been taking forever to learn the basics. Prayer, reading my bible, following Jesus. Simple right? Well it took me nine months to figure this out. You never master the basis. Never.
      As I found myself growing and getting a grip on just what it means to give up every thing to follow Christ I realized the one thing I wanted most was a prayer away. I had given up my comfortable home, most of my possessions, left my family and moved to a strange place where I bounced from home to home living on the generosity of others and the provision of God alone. I was living simply. Looking for a job and spending time with God and I was growing fast but something was missing. Something big. I discovered that I was pretty focused on myself, with good right at that point. I had a lot going on being in the middle of yet another big move and changing churches and all but it was also bigger than just feeling selfish. I had a desire to get plugged in and to serve. It was burning and growing and I couldn't ignore it. Despite my insane situation I discovered living a life of faith meant not only trusting  God to meet my needs but also reaching out to meet the needs of others.
     So I did it. I sat down and I prayed that night. "God, you are sovereign and you have never left my side. You are faithful and you provide for me meeting all of my needs, never letting me go without. Lord, please. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Use me, lift me up to do your will, to serve others, to love on them as I have been loved, to bless them and meet needs in their lived. God, use me. USE ME!!"
     I had no idea what that meant at the time. No clue but now, as I am settling in at my new home and really digging in and getting plugged in I am finding all sorts of ways to serve and love on others. From lending a listening ear to a shoulder to weep on. From laughing and joking with a good friend to praying with new ones. God has given me an opportunity to reach out and lift someone up and share his love with them just about every day. I didn't know what I was getting into as I packed to move to Potsdam 14 months ago. I didn't know what I was getting into when I officially became a local three months ago. I didn't know what I was facing, ever. I just went and did what I felt God leading me to do. Each step a step of faith as I prayed and asked God to lead me and give me wisdom to know his will. Each step bringing greater and bigger blessings and each step bringing me closer to him. I have no idea what the future holds but I know that as I walk with God and continue asking him to guide and use me it will be an amazing blessing and great adventure.

Newness

I am settled into my new home. I am adjusting to a new church. I am excited about a new job. A new routine. A new way of life. It is all falling into place. It all looks good. Not perfect but good. I can't believe all God is doing in through and around me but I sure do like what I am seeing. Constantly growing and changing. It seems like nothing lasts for very long except the grace and favor and mercy of God but I hope this season lasts for a while. It is so good to be able to smile and say, yeah, ok, I have some things that need to be done but at the end of the day I am happy with life and looking to grow in my relationships with God and people. I still don't know what his plan is long term for my life but I do know that every day he reveals what I need for that day and it is enough to focus on just  that. The rest will come in due time. The newness may be wearing off a bit as I settle in more but this new way of life is certainly a good, pleasing way.

Settled

It is hard to believe it has been over a week, almost two now since I moved into my gorgeous new apartment. It has been an amazing week. I have finally rested enough to feel sane. I love where I am living and the family I am staying with, they are amazing. My bags are unpacked. My closet is as full as it is going to get. My bathroom is stocked and there are so many cliches running through my head it is laughable. It is so good to be home, finally. I am in the middle of lots of changed but I have found myself finally starting to settle down a little bit. Working into a new, much less chaotic routine. Dealing with the typical fall allergies and the never ending list of chores that come with having your own place. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, all part of the new daily routine. I am finally starting to feel like a "grown-up" and it feels rather good. Life may seem dull and predictable but that surely feels really, really good right now. I finally found myself saying I can't wait to go home. Finally. I am home. I am settled in. Life is back to normal... for now.

September days

I am settling in nicely. I have an amazing host family. I pretty much have my own apartment minus a stove but hey, I can always use theirs if I need to. I have a 6 week weekend job that will get me through until I get something more permanent and it seems life is coming together. Soon I will be visiting my family for a short time and fall is in full swing. The trees are changing colors, I am breaking out the sweaters and hoodies and my riding boots are finally being put to good use. It seems like life is coming together bit by bit. Life is good and I have finally settled down into a routine, albeit a crazy one. I have my own space, I have a small income for the near future, I have all I need and I have my God to thank for it all. A new season is beginning. I am excited to see friends and family, to learn and grow, to see what God will do next. He obviously has a plan as everything is working out so well and things are quickly coming together. Stay tuned for my fall adventured. September has been finding a home and job and stocking my new closet! That's right folks I have my own closet, bedroom, living room, bathroom, and small kitchen area complete with a sink, fridge, microwave and food! My job is amazing! Doing story time, crafts and animal exhibits for a local farm. Technically I am considered a farm hand but I love it. September days have been filled with lots of chaos thus far but it's winding down into a wonderful season.

Mountains

Mountains.I am facing lots of them. Finding a job. Finding a place to live. Staying healthy.
That is what I am facing. It's scary. It's insane.
This is what I believe. Faith can move mountains. I have some big ones. The bible has this to say about mountains.

Matthew 17: 14-20
 When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. “Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16 I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.” “You unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” 18 Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed at that moment.Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

What is faith? The Webster's dictionary says this. 

• allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty
• fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
• belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
• firm belief in something for which there is no proof, complete trust
• something that is believed especially with strong conviction;especially : a system of religious beliefs <the Protestantfaith

Where does that leave me?

I put my faith in the God of this universe! I can do all things through him because he gives me strength so I guess that means everything is going to be ok!

9/10/13

I am not entirely sure what to say right now. I am really not writing much right now which is probably unhealthy for me but I don't really know what to write. The past few weeks have been filled with emotions on every end of the spectrum.From gut wrenching fear to unexplained joy I have seen or felt it all this week. I Still have no idea what the future holds. No clue. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I don't know much of anything right now but God is working and God is speaking. I really cannot say much more than that. I am waiting on him, learning to trust him again after forgetting how to trust anyone for a while. Learning how to love and be loved. Learning a lot I suppose. That's all I have for today. Not much exciting to say I'm afraid.

Outside Looking In

It seems crazy, irrational, unbelievable, ridiculous, and stupid to someone who has never experienced it. It bows peoples minds. It sets the stage for God to move mightily. It is simple. It grows and is more powerful than anything man made, created or invented. It is faith. My life may look like a mess right now. It may look like I have nothing, like I am poor, soon to be homeless, and out of my mind, and while the last but of that may be true on some occasions I am far from poor and my God will provide for all my needs, including a place to live. As I was curling up in bed tonight I suddenly realized that for a person standing on the outside looking in at my life, someone who doesn't know the whole story, or even a small part of it, I probably seem like a stark raving mad lunatic. I had to laugh at the thought because they have no idea how amazing my God is, what he has promised and what he has in store for me. These verses have been on my heart all week., I have read, reread and studied them and they still bring comfort to my soul.

Matthew 13:57 - But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Romans 8:28-30 -  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified

One Word

I have one word to describe the state of my life at the moment.
Maybe.
Everything is a maybe right now. A maybe. Maybe this maybe that. Nothing is solid. Nothing is official. Nothing is simple or easy.
The End