I will never forget the first time that I heard a person ask. They were serious but it seemed like a joke at the time. I was maybe 16 at the most. "How did you do it? How did you keep going How did you get through all of that and come out on top?" I just stared at my good friend. I stared because I had no idea what else to do. We were walking around town and she was playing her iPod. A Martina McBride song called " Concrete Angel" played and I burst into tears. My poor friend was completely confused and asked an obvious question. " It's just a song, whats your problem?" My problem was this.
For seven years I was abused. Betrayed by someone I loved and cared about. Broken, beaten, torn apart at the seems was what it felt like. After that it was one hard hit after another, I lost friend after friend. The man I loved and wanted to marry died, my friend killed in a car wreck, foster care, one house worst than the last. I just knew it as life. As I told my friend about the path I had walked down she too began to tear up. She just stood beside me. She didn't know what to say or do. All she said was "Oh, I'm sorry". At that I became furious. I didn't want anyone to be sorry for anything that had happened and I blatantly, a little harshly, told her so. That is when she asked a question that nobody had ever asked me before then. "How did you do it? How did you keep going How did you get through all of that and come out on top?"
It amazed me that it took someone that long to ask but it shocked me all the same. I never knew there was another option. I just kept fighting. It never occurred to me to quit. Never once. It did often after that day. The question that was intended to praise a strong, big-hearted survivor broke her. Daily after that I questioned myself. "why me, how come, how did I get through that, why not give up." I got depressed and angry. I had no self-esteem and was on the brink of suicide. I ran into that same friend again that September. It was my senior year of high school and I was ready to quit right then and there. The question of how still rang clearly in my brain. I did not know how and did not want to find out but my dear friend, she wouldn't let me quit. No, she pulled me aside that first week of school and told me like it was.
I had a lot to think about after that day. I decided to give life one last chance, to try to work things out and really find peace with my past and future. It took months and it wasn't until over a year later that my prayers were answered. It was unexpected. I had accepted Christ into my heart a year earlier and he had been rebuilding, restoring, and working in my life since. It was an early spring evening in April when the question how was answered. A new friend brought answers from God that night. It was clear. He was the reason I made it out. He was there protecting me all along, shielding my eyes, ears and thoughts. Keeping me safe every step of the way. That is " How I did it." It wasn't me at all. It was by God's good grace that I made it here today.
Well folks there you have it. The short version of my testimony. In days and weeks to come stay tuned for additions and elaborations. There are many more adventures to tell about but this is all I have time for today.
