Jennifer

I love my name, I always have. Jennifer. Recently I was praying with a wonderful woman of God, someone I have grown to love and trust a lot since September and a lot came out of that. I was stressed and hurting and feeling the burden of a lifetime of struggling with the same sin, one God had helped me turn from once before, and one I had fallen back into. While we were praying she kept hearing my name which was very odd for me since I had no clue what my name meant or why it had any significance, especially considering we weren't even praying about me. We were praying for family situations and wisdom, but God knew what the real problem was. It all came back to that sin and the lack of forgiveness for that sin. Anyway getting back to the point of the matter, My name is Jennifer and God gave me that name for a reason. It means fair, smooth, pure, and white waves. That really struck me. I had come a very long way in dealing with this sin but it was still causing problems and separating me from people I loved. I had asked to be forgiven by God on many occasions when I realized that sin was slipping in again but in reality I had never asked those I had hurt to forgive me and I certainly had not been living a pure, clean, white life. CONVICTION TIME!!! This awesome women also had given me this chapter to read waaay back in October, and I had forgotten about it until she reminded me of it once again. Titus 3 was the chapter and after praying with her I once again shrugged it off until I was sitting in the library and out of nowhere I felt the sudden pang to read my bible. I flipped to the chapter and this is what I found.

"Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, ² to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.³ At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. ⁴ But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, ⁵ he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, ⁶ whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷ so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. ⁸ This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.⁹ But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. ¹⁰ Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. ¹¹ You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned." 

Okie Dokie then! Wow did I have a lot to pray about. God was making it pretty stinking clear that he was not happy with how I had been living my life but at the same time what was even clearer was that he wants me to make things right, to apologize, ask to be forgiven, and receive his grace, love and help. This is a process that scares me even now but I have realized that when I come to people to talk to them of my own will they are much more willing to hear me out and forgive me. Unlike in previous experiences where my sin had been exposed in a very public and unpleasant way, I was coming to them and the fact that I was being honest and that it hurt me to have hurt them (even though they were clueless until I brought it up) was enough for them to see that I was trying to change my ways with Gods help. As it says in the book of Hebrews : No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. This hurts for the time being but I can tell you this much. After talking to just two people I already feel much better about life and myself. Nothing like some unexpected wisdom and love from a great God that cares way too much about me.