The past few weeks have been crazy, full of so many ups and downs. A lot of uncertainty, decisions being made, questions being asked and so much more yet as i sat down to write and reflect on it all I realized that I could smile about something. As crazy and as hard as things got one thing remained the same, my eyes where focused not on what was happening and people and circumstances but on God and what he was and is still doing through all of that.
I got to visit my family and spend real quality time with them. Now anyone who knows me, knows anything about me and my life, knows that for me to be home for four days is HUGE! Not only was I home for four days but I had a ton of fun, made many incredible memories and got to spend time with the people that I love the most in this world. I was really worried about going home for break. I had been stressed for many reasons but at the core of the matter was one blaring, flaming fact. I left home and when I did so it was not on good terms. Things at home had gotten to the point where I could not live and be happy, not even remotely close to the live I knew I could live, so I packed my bags (voluntarily) and I left. Going back it was clear to see that I am not the only person God has been working on. My entire family had a new attitude about me. We laughed and sang and danced and spent the weekend enjoying and loving each other. The past was a thing of the past and broken bonds were healed an built into something completely new and amazing.I also got to sit down and talk with my Mom openly and honestly about my past. I got to apologize for things I had done wrong and hurts of the past. She did the same and that was absolutely incredible. While I was home I also visited friends and other family. Got to catch a few games and just enjoy life. What a blessing it was!
I also saw how God has been working in my life changing me and making me batter. Pushing me to forgive myself for wrongs of the past, to apologize to those I have hurt and to move on. To put the past in it's place was not an easy task, and continues to be something I struggle with but he is giving me the strength and wisdom to do what needs to be done. Now I can clearly see how and why this is so important. More and more I have people telling me that they admire my strength and my faith. Most people would be thinking heck yeah! people love me but for me, I see another side to this. Being admired means I have to lead by example. Can't do that if I am hiding behind the shadows of a darker time. God has been so good to me, blessing me more and more as i follow him.Having people I love and care about see that and acknowledge that, and not only that but actually having them trust me enough to ask for wisdom and advice has been incredible. Being able to let his light shine in that way has blessed me even more, especially when these chats lead to close friends deciding the life I live is so great for me that they too want in, seeing them commit to Christ and starting to live in his ways, what an adventure!
Through the good bad and ugly God has been my focus. When I was scared, fearful, hurting and more as good friends and old friends faced crisis after crisis I took it to God. sent it through a huge network of Christians who were praying all across not only New York but across state lines as well. Seeing God work in those situations and seeing him change lives first hand has shown me a lot but the most important thing I have learned while watching and observing all that's going on has been this: don't just sit back and watch what God is doing, get involved! Make a difference, speak up and be who you are but do it in a way that works with God and hid plans. You certainly will never regret it. I know i now not only live but i love living. Life is so incredible, don't waste it. That's what I feel is important.
