Revelations

I've been a walking heartache. I've made a mess of me. The person I've been lately isn't who I want to be. I have made mistakes, done unspeakable things. I have sinned against God, myself and the ones I love. I have been a truly awful person but now I need to be real. I need to be myself but more importantly be a woman God looks upon and smiles. My thoughts and actions need to honor my father in heaven. My heart needs to be pure. I need to forgive and be forgiven. I am finding myself at a loss for words. I have become a person I hate. A hypocrite and a failure at best. Finding redemption at the Cross of Jesus Christ is my only hope. When things got hard I ran away. I ran to a bottle, to a blade, to a boy. I ran as far away from God as I could because I couldn't handle disappointing yet another person I love but now I see that I am loved regardless of my actions. That is a powerful thing but it's not to be abused. I still have to walk in grace and in truth. I still have to honor God in all I do. Grace isn't a get out of jail free card it's the gift of unconditional love and unmerited favor given freely to those who believe. Not the same thing. So here's to starting over. Finding myself and finding God. Here's to becoming a woman God can be proud of.