No Sense in That

This past week I found myself feeling rather homesick. But at the same time not wanting to step foot in the 518. Somehow these two things feelings were occurring at the same time and a good friend pointed out that it makes absolutely no sense. She was right it doesn't make sense but this is the conclusion I came to long ago. Home is home. It's where my family is. It is where I learned hard life lessons, grew, made mistakes and figured stuff out. It holds lots of memories both good and bad. It's the good that draws me back. For a short time I can set aside the hurt that swallowed up a good part of my time there and focus on making fun memories with the people I love. There a nine year old little girl and a three year old little boy back in Granville New York that I love an awful lot and when I realise that I barely know them that breaks my heart. The good doesn't erase the bad and I know that I can never go back to stay. There is a lot there that just can't go away instantly but as I work on (with God's help) forgiving those who hurt me all those years ago I find it gets easier each time I take a short trip home. I may never be able to stay for long but I do enjoy getting to go home and see those beautiful little faces. I enjoy cuddling with my dog and my bunny rabbit, I enjoy late night walks across the foot bridge with good, old friends, I miss my Uncle Tom's bear hugs, swinging on the old swingset at the little league field and late night cuddles with the cutest kids on earth. I don't miss fighting with Mom, living in a loud, smoky house, tripping over critters every other step, the nightmares of days long past or the chaos. There are so many mixed emotions when it comes to going home but in the end it is home. It is where I got my start. There is so much I could say about that house in the middle of a small town but in the end none of that matters. It makes no sense to anyone but me and I guess I just have to be ok with that.