As Bright as the Sun

It has been a good while since I have posted. Too long. I guess life has just taken me away from writing for a while. Which is never a good thing for me. But in recent history things has turned. Depression and anxiety and PTSD, they suck guys. The eat you up from the inside out and eventually you go into meltdown. Eventually you get to the point where you just can't handle it anymore. You can't pretend to smile or laugh, you can't enjoy the things you love, you just want to hide and sleep. At least that is how it is for me. Last night at a bible study about joy the last month or so kind of just exploded. Well not even so much the last month. More like the last 2 1/2 months. It is crazy to believe all the things that have happened. I finally put down the blade for good. No more cutting. I opened up about things I have never talked about before. I began healing. Let me tell ya folks, healing hurts. Healing hurts a lot. But it is worth it. It is worth it to give up all the hurts and anger and scary thoughts and hard nights to God and let him work. At a healing service this past Sunday God showed me a whole lot about who I am and what he sees in me and what he has for me in the future and it is not depression, anxiety or bouts of PTSD. It is not being scared of thunderstorms, jumping at a car door slamming, or crying because I don't know how else to handle the things I feel. Being a bit blunt today but this is reality guys and gals. This is my life. But it wont be my life forever. God is in the healing business. He is. And he is, in his timing, healing and working in my heart. At about 3am I came to the conclusion that there are an awful lot of people who love me, who are fighting with me and who are sick of seeing me hurt like I have been and if that is how they feel I can only imagine how much is pains God to see me like this. So here's to healing. To peace, love and joy. Here is to fresh starts, new life and a future as bright as the sun.